Symptoms and Diagnosis

For a long time, I've had bad heartburn. I started taking Prilosec probably 3 months ago.

One night in November or December o 2008, I awoke feeling like my chest was going to blow up fron the inside. It was pressure and pain, and everything you hear about when you research the unique symptoms of a female heart attack, which are often not as pronounced as those for males.

I was getting dressed and rolling around on the floor in pain, and just as suddenly as it set on several minutes ago, it disappeared. It was very sudden, the way it went away. I scheduled an appointment with my GP as soon as I could the next day.

My GP always listens to me carefully, and quickly deduced it was heartburn. He put me on Protonix. When I began to take the Protonix, I stopped taking Prilosec. It soon became obvious that there was no comparison -- I always had this tugging feeling in my stomach and chest, and I went back on the Prilosec. (I do not believe the tugging "hunger" I felt has anything to do with my gallbladder.) At my next checkup about a month later, I told the doctor that the Prilosec was doing a great job controlling my heartburn.

Then came New Year's. My resolution was to only be taking one pill by the end of the year, instead of the 4 or so pills I was taking every day at the time. So I gave the Prilosec a break. Each night after dinner, the center of my back would hurt and I would have to lie down. I had trouble breathing, but I assumed this was just from me tensing up at the pain.

One night I was home alone, after having eaten 2 fish sticks and a few hush puppies from captain D;s. Uh, and some fried okra. I realize no human being alive should eat an entire meal from Captain D's if they wish to remain in good health. But I have always prided msyelf on being low-maintenance with food. I never wanted to be one of those preachy people who didn't eat this or that, because they were some stick in the mud who judged you for having a martini while they downed their umpteenth energizing and delicious glass of water. So the point is - I ate Captain D's.

Within an hour or two, I was miserable. I could barely see straight to google "emergency heartburn help" - which recommended I drink an entire glass of water. I admit that it helped a little, but it turns out that tends to help people who are having gallbladder attacks.

I drank a giant swig of Maalox Multi-Symptom and took another Prilosec. I took a sip of red wine. I rolled around and tried to massage my own back. I thought about my mother's heart attack, and the people I loved. And then I called 911. I breathlessly said "I know this is silly, it's just heartburn, but my chest hurts and I'm having a lot of trouble breathing. I feel like a wimp but would you please send someone out? I'm sure I'm fine. But I want to be safe." Here's a fun fact: the man confirmed my address, and HUNG UP. He said, "OK. Call us if anything changes." Aren't they supposed to stay on the line or something??

My pain was like a big rubber band around my center. There were 5 major pain spots: The dead center of my back, the very top of my back, the inner left side of my chest, the inner right side of my chest, and then the lower parts of my back. I called my boyfriend, I called my father, and I unlocked the front door.

Within moments, a roomful of hunky EMTs were in my apartment, sticking things on me and asking me if I had drank that entire bottle of whiskey too. "No! That's Amaretto from last week!" Honestly, who are you, Columbo? "What about the wine?" "I literally got to drink ONE SIP."

I moaned about how it must be heartburn, and I writhed about some more, and then as quickly as it came on (it really onset within one minute total) whoosh, it was gone. My personal interactions with the EMTs after that are irrelevant but I asked them if I should go to the ER, and they kept saying "It's up to you." I said, JUST TELL ME ONE WAY OR THE OTHER. But they wouldn't.

Then my father came in. And they said, "We recommend she go to the ER." WELL! Why didn't you tell me that! I'm 27, dammit. Yeah I have a vagina and huge boobs, but that doesn't mean I can't understand answers to yes or no questions! (Sorry, they were wonderful to me - they missed some super important football game just to come help me.)

4 hours and one giant copay later, a physician came in and pressed under my ribs, which to my surprise, was sensitive. He quickly told me to schedule an appointment with my GP about my gallbladder. My father smacked himself on the forehead - he had gallbladder attacks for 5 years before consenting to have his removed. My gallbladder wasn't inflamed, which meant he could safely send me home. I asked about diet - and he said to avoid fat. So I did.

I'll pick up next time at my first doctor's appointment. We'll talk about emotions. It will be a cozy party. Bring your toothbrush.